It’s getting cold out. The air is getting crisp, the leaves are turning color, and the temperature is slowly dropping. For those of you who live in areas that have actual winters, the poo is about to hit the fan. Winter is nearly upon us, kimosabi.
Being the fashion savvy gentleman that I am(I’m not entirely fashion savvy, and the gentleman thing is up for debate), I notice not only the alterations in the climate, but the changes in the clothing of my fellow humans. Sure, people start to wear sweaters, jeans, and all that jazz, but one fashion article really sticks out in my brain. I’m sure that we’ve all seen them, and I’m sure that every time we see them we all say the same thing: “What…the hell.”
The head-turning, flabbergasting, absolutely dreadful things that I’m talking about are buffalo boots.
Not familiar with the term? That’s perfectly understandable considering I coined it as I was writing the sentence above. But I’ll clue you in as to what I’m talking about.
Ladies like to wear Ugg boots or something of the sort when it gets cold out. Apparently they keep their feet warm and they’re rather comfortable. I wouldn’t know because, believe it or not, I’m a guy. Girls wear Ugg boots. It’s a thing, trust me
But it seems as if a select few ladies have taken these boots to the next step. The next, and rather extreme step.
Some ladies like to sport these types of boots with heaping piles of fur plastered to the outside. It kind of looks like their wearing extra-large furbies that were molded into boot form. Like a baby animal might approach one of the boots thinking that it was their mother, then angrily turn away upon discovering that it was just an ugly shoe and mumble curse words in animal speak. Like a small buffalo was poached solely for the purpose of coating the outside of these disgusting creations in poofy fur. Hence the name, buffalo boots
There they are, right there. Quick, run away!!
I know, they’re rather putrid. I really can’t see the rationale behind wearing them. Maybe if you were dressing up as an Inuit woman for Halloween, or posing as a half human, half buffalo creature, or acting as a Yeti decoy. Other than those reasons, which, in my mind, are perfectly valid, I’m just confused.
More than anything, the people who wear these things should be ashamed. Ashamed of all the buffaloes that are cut down in their prime just so you can wear boots that look like arctic roadkill. Think of the buffaloes! The poor, poor buffaloes that will never again frolic in the green pastures of wherever the hell buffaloes frolic! Think of all the buffaloes that will never again chew grass and…chew grass! The pain! The agony!! *crying dramatically*
Alright I’m kidding. I’m sure that whatever fur these boots are made from is obtained in a humane and ethical manner. No poaching or killing in some unethical way occurred while constructing these boots. I’d rather not be sued for libel because I mislead my zillions of followers (by zillions I mean about a hundred). That’s not really on my list of things to do.
But I’m just offering you my opinions and insights. Which, if you haven’t gleaned from this post so far, can be summed up in a few short words: Buffalo boots suck. I mean, their just ugly. They’re just….ugly.
If you like wearing buffalo boots, don’t let my opinion change your style. As I’ve said before, if people told me what to wear, they’d get a swift finger to the eyeball.
What are your thoughts about buffalo boots? Do you like them? Do you hate them? Are you indifferent? Are you mourning the loss of a pet buffalo? Let me know! I’m interested to hear.
And remember, save the buffaloes!End Kwote