I’ve been thinking about the world and how much people can suck (I know, I use the word suck a lot. I guess it’s kind of my thing). There’s a lot of stuff that people do that annoys the poo out of me. So I thought I’d share some of that stuff with my internet compadres. Here’s a list, in no particular order, of the most annoying things of all time.
Ready. Set. Go
1. People who loudly rev their car/motor cycle. Common misconception, but loudness of your vehicle has absolutely no correlation with being cool/macho/manly. Stop revving your engines, people. It just makes you look like an even bigger tool than you clearly already are.
2. People who listen to their music on full blare. No one wants to listen to the mediocre music that your playing at the sound level of a nuclear explosion. Turn it down, Kurt Cobain
3. People who lowride their jeans/pants. This isn’t a thing anymore. No one wants to see you smelly, and probably dirty arse. Pull up the knickers and get a belt. It’s 2013 for Christ’s sake
4. People who walk as slow as humanly possible. Believe it or not, you aren’t the only human being on the universe. I know, mind blowing. Walk a little bit faster than a 1000 year old, crippled snail and we’ll all be much happier.
5. People who say, “No offense, but…” and then keep talking. When I hear this, I’m going to tune you out and assume that everything you say from that point on is in Swahili. Just because you say, “No offense, but…” doesn’t mean it’s not gonna be offensive. Cause guess what…IT IS
6. People who talk to you while you’re clearly busy. Hey numbnuts…I’M DOING WORK
7. People who take a bazillion items in the 20 items or less lane. Apparently literacy is way down and on a continuous, sharp decline. Read the sign, people. A cart stacked as high as Mt. Everest with food is definitely not meeting the parameters of the lane that you’re in
8. People who bring their shrieking banshee of a child to a restaurant. Yes, please, I’d like a small child with the voice of Dracula’s offspring to scream as loud as they possibly can for two hours straight. Actually, if they could throw their food all over the restaurant, that’d be great. All while I’m trying to enjoy a nice dinner. Sounds pleasant to me. What, it doesn’t to you?
9. People who post their grades as a Facebook status. Nothing makes me want to commit crime more than seeing “Yeahh babyy, got that 4.0” on my Facebook feed. People have never cared less about what your grades are. Seriously, there is no possible way for me to give less of a shit how well you do in school.
10. People who never stop talking. This one’s fairly self-explanatory
11. People who ride their bikes in the road and think that it’s the same as driving a car. If it were socially acceptable, I would ram you faster than you can say Lance Armstrong. As much as you may want to believe it, you’re not a car. You’re holding up the people who are in cars behind you who can go about 100 times faster than you. One day, biker people, one day…
12. People who wear too much perfume/cologne. I would rather you smell like B.O. or manure than spray yourself with a tidal wave of rancid perfume. I don’t want to feel like I’m in the middle of serious chemical warfare while I’m wandering about in my everyday life.
13. People who one-up everything you say. Ohh really? You have an uncle that was a twenty-time Olympic gold medalist too? Except your’s got gold medals in twenty different sports. And did it all with a pulled hamstring? SOMEHOW I FREAKING DOUBT IT
14. People who constantly ask if I’m ok because I’m not engaged in constant conversation. Yes, I’m fine. I just don’t feel like talking yo your annoying ass right now. Now leave me be…
15. People who think that anyone who doesn’t study biology or some sort of science is a piece of dung. Yes, there are other people who aren’t going to be doctors or engineers. I know, you’re just practicing to be the snobby asshole that I know you’ll become, but I’d appreciate it if you just stopped being such a douche.
The list could go on and on, but I’ll spare you the endless reading.
What do you find most annoying about people? What makes you clench your fists, grit you teeth, and mutter, “I hate you…”? I’m interested to hear.
With that, have a splendid day
This list was contributed to by friends and family of End Kwote