Coffee Shops Suck



It’s been a while since I’ve done a written post. A good, long while. Four score, perhaps…

Maybe one or two score…

I don’t even know what a score is…

Anyways, it’s been a while, so here we are.

I’m home for Christmas break (thank the gods), so I decided to walk across town to get some coffee at a local café. Being the ever-vigilant blogger/quasi-hipster that I am, I thought I’d bring along my iPad and do a little blogging over a nice cup of joe.

I had no idea what I was going to write when I came here. I just thought that café+coffee+computer=good blog post. People blog from coffee shops all the time, I thought.

Well, I was wrong. This coffee shop, though very nice, is maybe the worst spot I could have picked to blog. But why is that?

Here’s a list of reasons, written while I’m sitting in said coffee shop

Ready. Set. Go

1. The espresso machine. It sounds like a wounded baby pterodactyl is screeching for its mother. Not exactly easy to concentrate.

2. Uber cliché. There’s no way I’m gonna craft anything creative while I’m sitting in a coffee shop using free wifi – something that sixty-bazillion other people do. I feel like I should be writing about the benefits of using organic soap or global warming.

3. I gotta pee. Drinking lots of coffee tends to do that to me. Tough to think of awesome ideas with a full bladder

4. The clientele. Ok so some interesting people do come into coffee shops. But all that means is that I’m going to eavesdrop on their interesting conversations…which I may or may not currently be doing…and yes, it’s distracting me from finishing this post…

5. The prices. I’ve just spent a small fortune on hot water and beans…the frustration is blinding..

6. The music. It’s easy to get caught up in the ambiance that is coffee shop music.

7. The food. I’m not sure who makes the cookies and muffins at coffee shops, but they’re always huge and they always look delicious and I need one and I’m buying one right now…

*bites cookie and sighs in enjoyment*

*then gets angry look on face because of distraction from blogging*

8. The pressure. I feel like I’m expected to write something cool while I’m sitting in a coffee shop. The people around me are looking at me like, “Ohh look at him with his coffee and his computer, I bet he’s writing some poetry or a novel about The Great Depression.”

I can’t take the it!!

9. Other people on computers. I can’t stop ridiculing the other fools who came in here to work on comuters (even though I’m one of them),many of which aren’t even drinking coffee. Impostors…

10. I’m so distracted by sitting in this coffee shop that I can’t come up with another reason. Which still speaks to why coffee shops suck to blog in

Well, there you have it. The reasons why you shouldn’t write in a coffee shop.

But who am I to tell you where you should write? If you want endless distractions and the persistent urge to take a leak, then by all means, grab your lap-top and order a latte.

Maybe you disagree. If you do, I’d be interested to hear your reasons….and then refute them with scientific data.. it’s not exactly scientific, but it’s still data..

Don’t write in coffee shops. They’re the worst.

End Kwote

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