God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female, he created them.
God blessed them and said to them: “Be fertile and multiply.”
Then, a man who was in the presence of God’s booming voice – a bald fellow with short arms, stout legs, and a pot belly – looked up to the Lord, smiled, and answered “Don’t mind if I do.”
The woman who accompanied the man – a slender lady with legs like rivers, skin smooth as butter, and hair more golden than the sun – glared at the man, slapped him sharply on the shoulder, and hissed at him, “You pig.”
The man rubbed away the sting from his shoulder. After the pain was gone, he looked at the woman innocently and grinned. She saw him, innocent and harmless, and smiled back. They laid together in the warmth of the day, content.
God looked at the people he had made, and he found them to be very good.
So good that on the next day, he kicked his feet up, drank beer, and watched football.
Thus the heavens and the earth and all their array were completed.
I’m currently in a religious texts class. As you might imagine, we’re studying the Bible. Since it’s the beginning of the year, we’re still at the front of the good book. And if any of you are familiar with the Bible, you know that the first book is Genesis.
A few days ago, we read the story of creation. As critical as I am of God and religion, I do find the contents of the Bible extremely interesting. Particularly interesting is how the stories are written. Whoever wrote them – and there were various sources – had a style that I very much appreciate.
I was so taken with the story of creation (beginning at Genesis 1:27) that I thought I’d do my own version. After all, any self-respecting fan of a piece of literature has to do one thing and one thing only; write a fan fiction.
Is this how it happened? I have no clue. And really, neither do you. But, I just thought this would be an interesting exercise in creative writing. So, here we are. If this pisses you off for whatever reason, you need to go outside, search high and low, left and right, and underneath any rocks you come across. I’m sure your sense of humor is out there somewhere.
As always, let me know your thoughts and insights.